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Category Every thing rated by how few ways it can fail.
B · Hall of smart-shameHall of smart-shame Oh no, you didn’t? Smart, connected and under attack.
C · Level 0Level 0 · No electricity Dumb as a rock No plug, no password, no problem.
D · Level 1Level 1 · Electric, no logic An electric rock Needs power, nothing more.
E · Level 2Level 2 · A quiet chip Dependable doofus Fine with a microchip, as long as it keeps its mouth shut.
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Pinned

Alternatives to PHP

PHP2Shell had a week. Some alternatives.

3
Kitchen

Coffee maker

Just waiting for the swarm to overheat it and start the fire? These only demand beans.

Open the Kitchen sheet
7 types
4
Kitchen

Kettle

A smart kettle once handed out its owner’s Wi-Fi password. These just boil water.

Open the Kitchen sheet
7 types
5
Household

Door lock

One bad update opens hundreds of smart locks at once. Keys don’t need updates.

Open the Household sheet
6 types
#N/A

We looked. Sorry.

An electric lock without a brain does not exist. The key is one cell to the left.

6
Home & Living

Alarm clock

Phones at night boil your brain and ruin your sleep. These just ring.

Open the Home & Living sheet
8 types
7
Home & Living

Smoke alarm

A smart smoke alarm was recalled because waving at it could switch it off. These need a ladder.

Open the Home & Living sheet
8 types
#N/A

Still nothing.

Even the simplest smoke alarm needs a chip to decide what is smoke.

8
Electronics

Headphones

Headphones shouldn’t need an app, an account and a firmware update to play one song.

Open the Electronics sheet
5 types
#N/A

We looked. Sorry.

Wired is already as clever as headphones need to be.

9
Office

Notebook

Note apps keep changing their plans and their prices. Paper keeps your notes.

Open the Office sheet
5 types
#N/A

We looked. Sorry.

Paper does not come in electric. We checked twice.

10
Watches & Accessories

Wristwatch

Ransomware took a big fitness-watch cloud offline for days. These run on a wrist.

Open the Watches & Accessories sheet
5 types
11
Body Care

Toothbrush

Three million toothbrushes were reported hacked. The story was wrong, but it sounded right.

Open the Body Care sheet
5 types
12
Sports & Outdoors

Flashlight

Some flashlight apps wanted your location and contacts. A flashlight needs a battery.

Open the Sports & Outdoors sheet
6 types