The shit. Dumb.

Back to the sheet The sheet Alternatives to PHP · C
Photo
C · Level 0 · No electricity Dumb as a rock

Hardback guestbook

$15–25Buy on Amazon
Estimate. Prices change.

The guestbook was the first thing half the internet ever wrote in PHP. This one is paper. Visitors sign it with a pen, nothing executes, and the only remote code is a joke someone left on page 40. Upload progress is measured in pages.

Calm
Does not compete for your attention: no notifications, feeds or endless content. Does its job and gets out of the way.

Where to buy

Some links earn us a small commission. It never changes the order.

Survival checklist

What it survives, next to the smart one it replaces.
1
=SURVIVES(threat)Survives…
ThisHardback guestbook
What it replacesSmart onePHP, any version since 5.4
2
Power cut
TRUE
FALSE
3
Wi-Fi goes down
TRUE
#DEPENDS
4
The company switches off its servers
TRUE
#DEPENDS
5
Someone tries to hack it
TRUE
FALSE
6
A firmware update goes wrong
TRUE
FALSE
7
Twenty years from now
TRUE
#DEPENDS
8
=COUNTIF(TRUE)Total
6 of 66/6
0 of 60/6and three maybes

The smart one is the PHP, any version since 5.4.

Its row

See it in the sheetIn the sheet
Photo You are here

The original PHP app, minus the PHP. Spam arrives by hand, so rarely.

Hardback guestbook

$15–25
Calm
Hardback guestbook$15–25
Buy on Amazon