The shit. Dumb.

Back to the sheet The sheet Alternatives to PHP · E
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E · Level 2 · A quiet chip Dependable doofus

Static HTML on a USB stick

$8–12Buy on Amazon
Estimate. Prices change.

Write the page in plain HTML, save it to a stick and hand it over in person. There is no server to take over, and the stick’s controller chip keeps its mouth shut. Distribution is slow, but nobody has ever been PHP2Shelled by a sock drawer.

Where to buy

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Survival checklist

What it survives, next to the smart one it replaces.
1
=SURVIVES(threat)Survives…
ThisStatic HTML on a USB stick
What it replacesSmart onePHP, any version since 5.4
2
Power cut
FALSE
FALSE
3
Wi-Fi goes down
TRUE
#DEPENDS
4
The company switches off its servers
TRUE
#DEPENDS
5
Someone tries to hack it
TRUE
FALSE
6
A firmware update goes wrong
TRUE
FALSE
7
Twenty years from now
#DEPENDS
#DEPENDS
8
=COUNTIF(TRUE)Total
4 of 64/6and one maybe
0 of 60/6and three maybes

The smart one is the PHP, any version since 5.4.

Its row

See it in the sheetIn the sheet
Photo You are here

No interpreter, no sessions, no upload progress. An exploit has to find your trousers first.

Static HTML on a USB stick

$8–12
Static HTML on a USB stick$8–12
Buy on Amazon