The shit. Dumb.

Sports & Outdoors

Six product types, each with a smart one to avoid and the dumb ones to buy instead.

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1
Product type Every thing rated by how few ways it can fail.
B · Hall of smart-shameHall of smart-shame Oh no, you didn’t? Smart, connected and under attack.
C · Level 0Level 0 · No electricity Dumb as a rock No plug, no password, no problem.
D · Level 1Level 1 · Electric, no logic An electric rock Needs power, nothing more.
E · Level 2Level 2 · A quiet chip Dependable doofus Fine with a microchip, as long as it keeps its mouth shut.
2
Lead type

Navigation

#N/A

We looked. Sorry.

An electric compass is just a compass with anxiety.

3

Bicycle

Photo

When the maker went bust, owners scrambled for their unlock keys.

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VanMoof S5

$3,000–4,000Dumb ones
Local · Online · Cloud-dependent A bike that needs its maker alive.
4

Training log

#N/A

We looked. Sorry.

Electric and brainless? That would be a treadmill.

5

Flashlight

6

Camping stove

#N/A

Still nothing.

The Trangia is two cells to the left. It has never failed.

7

Home fitness

#N/A

We looked. Sorry.

An electric kettlebell would just be heavy.

Back to EssentialsAll 6 types shown