The shit. Dumb.

Back to the sheet Household Door lock · B5
August Wi-Fi Smart Lock
B5 · Hall of smart-shame Oh no, you didn’t?

August Wi-Fi Smart Lock

By August.

$199
Amazon US, October 2026. Prices change.

A motor that turns your deadbolt when an app, a server and your phone all agree. It fits over the lock you already have, so you can keep your key for the day they do not.

Local
Bluetooth, RF or NFC. An attacker has to be nearby.
Online
Wi-Fi, Ethernet or cellular. An attacker can be anywhere, and it can collect data.

Buy the dumb one instead

We do not link to the smart one. You can find it.

Survival checklist

What it survives, next to the dumb one.
1
=SURVIVES(threat)Survives…
ThisAugust Wi-Fi Smart Lock
The dumb oneDumb oneSchlage B60N deadbolt
2
Power cut
FALSE
TRUE
3
Wi-Fi goes down
#DEPENDS
TRUE
4
The company switches off its servers
#DEPENDS
TRUE
5
Someone tries to hack it
FALSE
TRUE
6
A firmware update goes wrong
FALSE
TRUE
7
Twenty years from now
#DEPENDS
TRUE
8
=COUNTIF(TRUE)Total
0 of 60/6and three maybes
6 of 66/6

The dumb one is the Schlage B60N deadbolt.

Row 5

See it in the sheetIn the sheet
You are here

Opens with your phone. Unless your phone is flat.

August Wi-Fi Smart Lock

$199
Local · Online A door that needs a charger.
#N/A

We looked. Sorry.

An electric lock without a brain does not exist. The key is one cell to the left.