The shit. Dumb.

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Google Nest Protect
B7 · Hall of smart-shame Oh no, you didn’t?

Google Nest Protect

By Google.

$120–150
Estimate, discontinued. Prices change.

A smoke and carbon monoxide alarm with Wi-Fi that talks to your phone. Google discontinued it in 2025, which is a lesson in itself for a device you are supposed to keep for ten years.

Online
Wi-Fi, Ethernet or cellular. An attacker can be anywhere, and it can collect data.

Buy the dumb one instead

We do not link to the smart one. You can find it.

Survival checklist

What it survives, next to the dumb one.
1
=SURVIVES(threat)Survives…
ThisGoogle Nest Protect
The dumb oneDumb onePrepared Hero fire blanket
2
Power cut
FALSE
TRUE
3
Wi-Fi goes down
#DEPENDS
TRUE
4
The company switches off its servers
#DEPENDS
TRUE
5
Someone tries to hack it
FALSE
TRUE
6
A firmware update goes wrong
FALSE
TRUE
7
Twenty years from now
#DEPENDS
TRUE
8
=COUNTIF(TRUE)Total
0 of 60/6and three maybes
6 of 66/6

The dumb one is the Prepared Hero fire blanket.

Row 7

See it in the sheetIn the sheet
You are here

Detects smoke. Google stopped making it in 2025.

Google Nest Protect

$120–150
Online A smoke alarm with an end date.
#N/A

Still nothing.

Even the simplest smoke alarm needs a chip to decide what is smoke.