B10 · Hall of smart-shame Oh no, you didn’t?

Apple Watch Series 12

By Apple.

Amazon US, October 2026. Prices change.

A tiny phone strapped to your wrist that needs charging every night and a new model every few years. It will tell you to stand up. It will not last as long as your grandfather’s watch.

Local

Bluetooth, RF or NFC. An attacker has to be nearby.

Online

Wi-Fi, Ethernet or cellular. An attacker can be anywhere, and it can collect data.

Buy the dumb one instead

• Hamilton Khaki Field MechanicalLevel 0 · No electricity · Dumb as a rock $675View
• Bulova Accutron, 1960sLevel 1 · Electric, no logic · An electric rock $300–900View
• Citizen Eco-Drive ClassicLevel 2 · A quiet chip · Dependable doofus $188View

We do not link to the smart one. You can find it.