B5 · Hall of smart-shame Oh no, you didn’t?

Toniebox 2

By tonies.

Amazon US, October 2026. Prices change.

A cuddly speaker that plays a story when a figure is placed on top, after fetching it from the cloud over Wi-Fi. Lovely for children, and a subscription to the bedtime routine.

Online

Wi-Fi, Ethernet or cellular. An attacker can be anywhere, and it can collect data.

Cloud-dependent

Needs the maker's servers or app to work, so the maker can switch it off.

Buy the dumb one instead

• Goodnight MoonLevel 0 · No electricity · Dumb as a rock $6View
• Simpeak hand-crank torchLevel 1 · Electric, no logic · An electric rock $15View
• Sony CFD-S70 boomboxLevel 2 · A quiet chip · Dependable doofus $250View

We do not link to the smart one. You can find it.